The uniqueness of multiples

Having two children very close in age is NOT the same as having twins. I’m not saying that a small age gap between siblings isn’t tough, it just isn’t the same as having multiples.

Multiples and night feeds

Having two babies at the same time is a rather unique situation and I’m not just talking about the birth. There’s the night feeds – three/four times a night times two, because of course they don’t wake for feeds at the same time (it took me ages to figure out that I should wake the other baby when one woke for a feed!).

Weaning multiples

Then there’s the weaning times two. Do you feed one child first and then move on to the second (risking meltdown of said child) or do you alternate; one spoon for one then one for the other? Or do you do baby-led weaning and pick up bits off the floor continuously and lose track of which child has actually eaten anything?

Potty training multiples

Potty training times two. Train them together or stagger? One way you hopefully get it over and done with quicker but accidents can seem constant. However, staggering means the process could go on for a year!

What else?

There’s double the winding. There are double the explosive newborn poos. There’s that distinctive newborn cry times two (usually at the same time). Oh yes, there’s also the vaccinations where you have to ignore the first screaming child so that the doctor can hurriedly move onto the next one.Same toys or different toys? Either way they’ll certainly end up fighting over ONE toy even if the other twin has an identical one!

Multiples Illuminated

Megan Woolsey and Alison Lee, both parents of multiple and authors of Multiples Illuminated, know all about the above!

Their books are a collection of stories and advice about life with twins or more. The first book covers newborns to age two. I read it when we were passed that stage and it was an entertaining reminisce. I found myself both smiling and clenching teeth about life with newborn multiple babies and young toddlers.

When I was asked to review their second book: Multiples Illuminated: Life with Twins and Triplets, the Toddler to Tween Years I was eager to start reading about what I might expect during the next stage/s. I felt a mixture of excitement and apprehension!

Multiples Illuminated – Life with Twins and Triplets, the Toddler to Tween Years

Like the first, the book highlights the unique challenges and joys of multiples. The authors and contributors know that multiples are a completely different kettle of fish and show the complexities and amazingness of the multiple dynamic. Whilst there is quite a lot of literature about newborn and toddler multiples, there isn’t much information for parents of Tween multiples. This book definitely bridges that gap looking at the Tween Years (8-12) and the social and emotional challenges of this stage as well as the ‘Toddler Years’ and the ‘Middle Years.’

Collective wisdom

“It never gets easier. Every phase is difficult, but the difficulty in raising multiples just evolves as the years progress,” says one contributor about passing the newborn and toddler stage: There’s no sugar coating, but at the same time there’s so much positivity in the book.

I was really interested in the anecdotes about ‘separation anxiety’ and whether to split twins up at school. I put my twins in different classes for many reasons and feel my choice has really benefitted them. There are also some cons, which I write about here: should twins be separated at school.

The book highlights that there is no “one-size fits all” and no right or wrong on this issue or any number of others relating to raising multiples.

There’s discussion about the first birthday party/play date where only one is invited. This was something that started off as a very major thing for us, but we progressed. My twins are now a lot more accepting when this happens. There are stories of the interpersonal relationships: competing, fighting and talking over each other but also the love, protectiveness and solidarity.

Along with poems, funny tales of poo incidents and teatime squabbling, there are some really poignant and serious topics covered.

I particularly liked the six tips to help encourage individuality for tween multiples and the helpful tips for surviving and thriving during the toddler to teen years. I read with a lot of interest the stories about the often complicated relationship between multiples and other siblings.

The book really shows what life is like raising twins and triplets and shares really enlightening stories.

I’ll sign off with a quote from another contributor – Andrea Lani: “Twins can teach us much about caring for and relying on each other while maintaining our own uniqueness.”

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You might like some of these posts:

Having Twins After Baby Number One

Twins: 14 Tips for Parents who are Expecting Multiples

16 Things You Are Likely to Hear When You Have Twins

Potty Training Twins: Excuse #18 for Delaying

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What are JoJo Bows?

If you haven’t seen them yet then they’ll definitely be coming to a school near you soon. Made popular by YouTube star JoJo Siwa, these massive, brightly-coloured (often diamante-adorned) branded bows retail for between £8-10 exclusively in the UK at Claire’s Accessories.

Previously the preserve of girls in dance groups, in gymnastic clubs and cheerleaders, JoJo Bows have hit the mainstream and have now started infiltrating schools.

JoJo Bows a No No at School

The hair accessory has hit headlines recently due to being banned at a number of schools for breaching uniform rules. Parents, who have forked out for the hair decoration, have been up in arms. I personally think that the signature larger variety (as in massive) look rather ridiculous, but aside from a wider debate about uniform, which I recently discussed for Yahoo!, there are a number of other issues.

For their part, Claire’s Accessories have gauged schools’ responses and have brought out a range of JoJo Bows in school colours, but obviously girls aren’t going to want to bother with those; they want the biggest, sparkliest variety on the market. The main issues with the bows, like with any craze, is they are a major source of distraction and can be a tool of oneupmanship.

At my daughter’s school they banned Pokemon cards as they were causing too many problems: dominating classroom chat, cards were going missing, unfair swaps, bragging etc etc. I can certainly see how the same might happen with JoJo Bows. Added to that there are the more expensive bona fide official JoJo Bows and the cheaper replicas; and of course they all know the difference, so again it’s something that can be really divisive: those that can afford the genuine ones and those that can’t.

Out of School

Despite the fact that they’re not my taste, I realise that kids like to express themselves and experiment with fashion. Through gritted teeth, I would let my girls have them outside of school, but not at school. I reckon teachers have enough to contend with without having to police hair accessories.

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Ear piercing

Ear piercing is very subjective. I’m not a fan of young girls having it done. Do I think it’s wrong? No. It’s simply my personal preference and one that’s perhaps influenced by the fact that I wasn’t allowed to have my ears pierced until I was 12 – despite begging and begging my mum. I’m obviously still bitter.

I’ve said she can get it done in the summer holidays before she goes to secondary school. This will make her 11 going on 12. I’ve also been quick to point out that her only female cousin (who she looks up to) was 13 when she got hers done. This seems to have done the trick – for now.

Bras

The bra thing might not be so easy to navigate. So far it’s just been talk of x having a ‘bra top’ at school. However, I know thoughts are ticking away in my daughter’s head… it will be mentioned many times to come. I know this because I know her. It was a big, big event when the first girl in my class got changed for PE and had one on. I distinctly remember my flat-chested best friend at the time going shopping with her mum and getting an actual proper bra. It was an AA bra. I was absolutely seething with jealously despite the fact that I certainly didn’t need one (I was in the late developer camp).

I’m not trying to keep her a baby as long as possible. However, she definitely doesn’t need one so it’d be a bit daft. I also think it’s something of a rite of passage, going to get one when you actually do need it.

Obviously some girls do develop a lot faster than others. It actually makes me feel uneasy as I really remember what a peer pressure thing it was and the subtle (and not so subtle) teasing of those that didn’t require anything up top. There was definitely a competitive element with the girls. It’s not so much me worried about her wanting a bra top/bra in the near future. It’s more that it signals the time when girls start to get rather too pre-occupied about their bodies and often make uncomplimentary comparisons.

I’m saying all this based on my school experiences. Hopefully it’s all changed a generation later but I have a sneaky feeling it hasn’t…

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Is your child prepared for a Smartphone?

Before we rush to buy our child a Smartphone, we need to take a serious look at our child’s responsibility and judgment skills. Research estimates that 75% of eight-year-olds access “smart” devices on a regular basis. Furthermore, 78% of teens possess their own mobile phone. All this connectivity doesn’t necessarily mean children have the know-how to navigate full-time ownership of a Smartphone.

Children might understand how to tap a screen or send a friend request, but often lack the required etiquette and obligation that comes with being a citizen of the digital world. Take a minute and ask yourself the following questions:

• Is my son or daughter able to make good choices or demonstrate mature reasoning?
• Can my child properly care for his or her belongings?
• Does my child understand the permanence of social media and the Internet?
• Has our family talked about social media etiquette?

If you answered “no” to any of the above questions, it might be wise to forgo the Smartphone this year. However, if you answered “yes” your child is a good candidate for owning his or her own device. Thankfully, parents can take steps to safeguard their children from the dizzying world of sexting, online predators, cyber bullies and disappearing messages.

Six ways to ring in responsible Smartphone use

To help your child navigate Smartphone ownership, here are six tips to ensure they are safely messaging or snapping photos with their friends:

• It is important to know the common pitfalls children encounter on the Internet and social media. Did you know that sexting is now considered a ‘normal‘ part of development? Or that cyber-bullying rates have tripled within the last year? Understanding the realities of what children face is critical if we are to help them avoid the dangers lurking behind the glow of their screen.
• Take a few minutes to walk your child through their privacy settings. Ensure they are protected and safely using their device.
• Begin an on-going dialogue regarding social media etiquette, online predators, sexting and cyber-bullying. Discuss the permanence of social media. As a child gets older, you can broach these tough topics. However, make sure they understand that the Internet never forgets and what they post today can haunt them for a long time.
• Take advantage of monitoring software to know your child’s Internet and mobile phone behaviours. This is critical in the beginning as children still need guidance as they learn new skills. However, as a child matures and demonstrates responsible Smartphone ownership, you can loosen the reins and allow more independence.
• Limit technology to common living areas and keep devices out of bedrooms. This allows parents to keep an eye on activity and spot trouble before it spirals out of control. It also ensures that a child’s Smartphone doesn’t interfere with their sleep or homework.
• Create a contract for owning a Smartphone. Sit down as a family and develop a document that states the expectations and outlines consequences. Outlining the rules ultimately helps prevent future disagreements and problems from developing.

Will your child be receiving a Smartphone any time soon?

You might like: Sadfishing and Other Social Media Pitfalls for Children  

Freelance writer and tech geek, Hilary Smith, specializes in covering the world of digital parenting. She has a degree in journalism from Northwestern. This Texas native braves the winters in Chicago with her ever-so-slightly spoiled English bulldog, Chauncey, and her two children aged 4 and 7. 

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