Yesterday I was watching my four-year-old playing so wonderfully with her 19-month-old sisters; they were interacting so well and enjoying each other’s company immensely (it isn’t always like that by the way). I thought how great it was that there was just a two-and-a-half year age gap between them.

Sofia relishing the big sister role. How big is that bottle of expressed milk!?

The ideal sibling age gap is very subjective

It got me thinking about the ‘ideal’ age gap, how subjective this concept is and how it’d make an interesting blog post. Then, coincidentally, Internet rumours surfaced about the Duchess of Cambridge planning back-to-back babies (there’s 11 months between her and sister Pippa).

It’s a very personal choice and there are many motivations for making the decision. Then of course, things don’t always go to plan.

I wanted to have a substantial amount of time devoted to my first child, but didn’t want to have a big age gap. This was mainly because I had a self-imposed cut-off age for when I wanted to have children by and I wanted Sofia to have a sibling (or two as it turned out) that she would want to play with. If I’d, had Sofia in my mid-20s, I may have gone for a slightly bigger gap. She actually arrived eight days before my 30th, so ideally I was thinking of around a three-year age gap so I would almost certainly (if things happened as I wanted them to) have finished with the pregnancy thing well before I hit 35. As I say, a very personal choice.

I’d heard a lot about second-time infertility so had that in the back of my mind. As it turned out, I got pregnant immediately; meaning there’s a two year, nine month age gap. It would have been absolutely perfect for me had it not been for the curve ball of twins. With the pram we’d bought I couldn’t attach a buggy board so I often had a very weary toddler who, if we weren’t in the car, had no choice but to walk. It was quite hard at the start meeting the needs of a very active toddler wanting constant entertainment with the care of newborns.

Back-to-back babies versus big sibling age gap

I can definitely see the merits of back-to-back babies if you’ve decided you want two children and want to get the baby stuff done and dusted in a very short period. It also means there is a readymade playmate for baby number two. It does sound like very hard work and having a newborn whilst being pregnant would be tough and that’s before the challenges of having a one-year-old and a newborn. It’s also quite a strain on your body as it takes about nine months to a year for it to completely get back to ‘normal’ after giving birth.

At the other end of the spectrum is the big sibling age gap. I can really see the benefit of having one child at school before the next one arrives. As well as making life easier, child number one gets your undivided attention for many years of their life; then baby number two has a lot of one-on-one time whilst their older sibling is at school.

There’s a lot of research/talk about what the ideal sibling age gap is, but I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no actual ideal, it’s just what works for you. Of course Mother Nature also has quite a say in the matter.

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