The uniqueness of multiples

Having two children very close in age is NOT the same as having twins. I’m not saying that a small age gap between siblings isn’t tough, it just isn’t the same as having multiples.

Multiples and night feeds

Having two babies at the same time is a rather unique situation and I’m not just talking about the birth. There’s the night feeds – three/four times a night times two, because of course they don’t wake for feeds at the same time (it took me ages to figure out that I should wake the other baby when one woke for a feed!).

Weaning multiples

Then there’s the weaning times two. Do you feed one child first and then move on to the second (risking meltdown of said child) or do you alternate; one spoon for one then one for the other? Or do you do baby-led weaning and pick up bits off the floor continuously and lose track of which child has actually eaten anything?

Potty training multiples

Potty training times two. Train them together or stagger? One way you hopefully get it over and done with quicker but accidents can seem constant. However, staggering means the process could go on for a year!

What else?

There’s double the winding. There are double the explosive newborn poos. There’s that distinctive newborn cry times two (usually at the same time). Oh yes, there’s also the vaccinations where you have to ignore the first screaming child so that the doctor can hurriedly move onto the next one.Same toys or different toys? Either way they’ll certainly end up fighting over ONE toy even if the other twin has an identical one!

Multiples Illuminated

Megan Woolsey and Alison Lee, both parents of multiple and authors of Multiples Illuminated, know all about the above!

Their books are a collection of stories and advice about life with twins or more. The first book covers newborns to age two. I read it when we were passed that stage and it was an entertaining reminisce. I found myself both smiling and clenching teeth about life with newborn multiple babies and young toddlers.

When I was asked to review their second book: Multiples Illuminated: Life with Twins and Triplets, the Toddler to Tween Years I was eager to start reading about what I might expect during the next stage/s. I felt a mixture of excitement and apprehension!

Multiples Illuminated – Life with Twins and Triplets, the Toddler to Tween Years

Like the first, the book highlights the unique challenges and joys of multiples. The authors and contributors know that multiples are a completely different kettle of fish and show the complexities and amazingness of the multiple dynamic. Whilst there is quite a lot of literature about newborn and toddler multiples, there isn’t much information for parents of Tween multiples. This book definitely bridges that gap looking at the Tween Years (8-12) and the social and emotional challenges of this stage as well as the ‘Toddler Years’ and the ‘Middle Years.’

Collective wisdom

“It never gets easier. Every phase is difficult, but the difficulty in raising multiples just evolves as the years progress,” says one contributor about passing the newborn and toddler stage: There’s no sugar coating, but at the same time there’s so much positivity in the book.

I was really interested in the anecdotes about ‘separation anxiety’ and whether to split twins up at school. I put my twins in different classes for many reasons and feel my choice has really benefitted them. There are also some cons, which I write about here: should twins be separated at school.

The book highlights that there is no “one-size fits all” and no right or wrong on this issue or any number of others relating to raising multiples.

There’s discussion about the first birthday party/play date where only one is invited. This was something that started off as a very major thing for us, but we progressed. My twins are now a lot more accepting when this happens. There are stories of the interpersonal relationships: competing, fighting and talking over each other but also the love, protectiveness and solidarity.

Along with poems, funny tales of poo incidents and teatime squabbling, there are some really poignant and serious topics covered.

I particularly liked the six tips to help encourage individuality for tween multiples and the helpful tips for surviving and thriving during the toddler to teen years. I read with a lot of interest the stories about the often complicated relationship between multiples and other siblings.

The book really shows what life is like raising twins and triplets and shares really enlightening stories.

I’ll sign off with a quote from another contributor – Andrea Lani: “Twins can teach us much about caring for and relying on each other while maintaining our own uniqueness.”

~~~~~

You might like some of these posts:

Having Twins After Baby Number One

Twins: 14 Tips for Parents who are Expecting Multiples

16 Things You Are Likely to Hear When You Have Twins

Potty Training Twins: Excuse #18 for Delaying

The post Multiples Illuminated: Life with Twins & Triplets appeared first on The Parent Social.

If you already have a child, you certainly have the benefit of experience and have more confidence in your parenting abilities. However, the leap from one to three is pretty huge and juggling the demands of a toddler (who can have a tantrum at the drop of a hat and who probably wants entertaining most waking hours) with having not one, but two newborns can be quite challenging.

Twins after baby number one

When the twins came along my eldest daughter (Sofia) was two-and-a-half. It turned out that she dictated a very big part of our schedule, not the newborns. That’s not what I’d expected!

You have to be realistic and a lot more flexible with twins as opposed to a singleton, and with an older sibling on the scene as well, you’re not going to be able to please all of the children all of the time. You’re not always going to be able to do things perfectly.

Having felt that for baby number one I did things to the best standard possible, I struggled a little when I was no longer able to do everything ‘perfectly’ with three. I had to get over that otherwise I’d have gone insane.

There were times when Sofia was a bit bored as I fed one or both twins for the umpteenth time that day or sat hooked up to the breast pump. I didn’t like letting Sofia watch too much TV, but sometimes needs must. I had to learn not to beat myself up about it. Sofia loved her TV time, but we’d always make sure we did something that was specifically for her multiple times a week.

We’d go out to Childrens’ Centres, parks, play dates etc even if the twins hadn’t had their feed or the sleep they needed. I’d feed them when we got there or they could have a sleep en route. I’d have never done this with Sofia; I danced to the beat of her drum. If it was time for her nap we’d leave somewhere a bit early, if she needed a feed we’d leave the house a bit late, if I thought she was a little under the weather we would cancel plans.

Being adaptable with twins

We all had to be adaptable and the twins had to fit in, wherever possible, with the routine we already had. It would have been unfair to expect Sofia to have to cope with everything changing. Far from being detrimental, I think not pandering to the twins’ every whim was actually very good for them and keeping things as similar as possible for Sofia meant that we kept the dreaded green-eyed monster at bay.

It is hard work, but it is fantastic having twins with an older sibling and I was far more relaxed and confident second time around.

Sofia absolutely loves having two little sisters, she knows it’s something special and she continues to receive a lot of attention and fuss because of it. So do I for that matter. If I’d had a pound for every time someone exclaimed: ‘you’ve got your hands full,’ I’d be very rich!

It is amazing to see them all interact. The twins obviously have a special bond, but they really look up to their older sister and as the age gap is relatively small between them and Sofia, they are all natural playmates, which is wonderful. I feel amazingly proud when we are all seen out together.

It’s also been very good for my self-esteem: I’ve survived having a toddler and newborn twins and everyone is always very quick to congratulate me  

Go to: https://twinstrust.org/ for more information about having twins and multiples.

The post Having Twins After Baby Number One appeared first on The Parent Social.

Yesterday I was watching my four-year-old playing so wonderfully with her 19-month-old sisters; they were interacting so well and enjoying each other’s company immensely (it isn’t always like that by the way). I thought how great it was that there was just a two-and-a-half year age gap between them.

Sofia relishing the big sister role. How big is that bottle of expressed milk!?

The ideal sibling age gap is very subjective

It got me thinking about the ‘ideal’ age gap, how subjective this concept is and how it’d make an interesting blog post. Then, coincidentally, Internet rumours surfaced about the Duchess of Cambridge planning back-to-back babies (there’s 11 months between her and sister Pippa).

It’s a very personal choice and there are many motivations for making the decision. Then of course, things don’t always go to plan.

I wanted to have a substantial amount of time devoted to my first child, but didn’t want to have a big age gap. This was mainly because I had a self-imposed cut-off age for when I wanted to have children by and I wanted Sofia to have a sibling (or two as it turned out) that she would want to play with. If I’d, had Sofia in my mid-20s, I may have gone for a slightly bigger gap. She actually arrived eight days before my 30th, so ideally I was thinking of around a three-year age gap so I would almost certainly (if things happened as I wanted them to) have finished with the pregnancy thing well before I hit 35. As I say, a very personal choice.

I’d heard a lot about second-time infertility so had that in the back of my mind. As it turned out, I got pregnant immediately; meaning there’s a two year, nine month age gap. It would have been absolutely perfect for me had it not been for the curve ball of twins. With the pram we’d bought I couldn’t attach a buggy board so I often had a very weary toddler who, if we weren’t in the car, had no choice but to walk. It was quite hard at the start meeting the needs of a very active toddler wanting constant entertainment with the care of newborns.

Back-to-back babies versus big sibling age gap

I can definitely see the merits of back-to-back babies if you’ve decided you want two children and want to get the baby stuff done and dusted in a very short period. It also means there is a readymade playmate for baby number two. It does sound like very hard work and having a newborn whilst being pregnant would be tough and that’s before the challenges of having a one-year-old and a newborn. It’s also quite a strain on your body as it takes about nine months to a year for it to completely get back to ‘normal’ after giving birth.

At the other end of the spectrum is the big sibling age gap. I can really see the benefit of having one child at school before the next one arrives. As well as making life easier, child number one gets your undivided attention for many years of their life; then baby number two has a lot of one-on-one time whilst their older sibling is at school.

There’s a lot of research/talk about what the ideal sibling age gap is, but I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no actual ideal, it’s just what works for you. Of course Mother Nature also has quite a say in the matter.

The post What is the Ideal Sibling Age Gap? appeared first on The Parent Social.