I immediately nudged my husband and asked him to talk to the kids about it as I knew they’d want to be involved and be disappointed if they missed the boat.

The mental load

My initial thought was that organising my own Mother’s Day present was the perfect example of the unequal distribution of the mental load (I work too by the way). Would the reverse happen for Father’s Day; would my husband Matt give me the heads up to make sure that I was on the case? Of course not. Matt* doesn’t even get the school emails. I did all the paperwork for the children’s’ schools when they started, which makes me the primary contact.

Aside from receiving all the memos, I make sure they have the kit they need for whatever club they’re doing, I know when all the inset days are, when random ‘team points’ mufti day is, when they need to take in the charitable donations, what day to order lunches for the week ahead, the what and when of homework, the extracurricular activities, which need paying for, World Book Day, and so on and so on…  

* This is in no way a dig at him   

However, there is another issue about the Mother’s Day, school-organised present…  

Pressure and being left out  

As much as a Mother’s Day gift organised via the PTA sounds full of good intentions, it can be a bit of a minefield. It can put unnecessary extra pressure on working parents (it’s another thing to remember/organise/fail at), it can put extra financial pressure on parents, because of course there’s a price tag attached; also there’s the issue for single parents or for children that might not find it easy to deliver what’s required or perhaps even those who don’t have a fantastic relationship with their children.

Mother’s Day opt out

On a slight aside, I’ve already received a number of Mother’s Day ‘opt-out’ emails. This basically means you can opt out from receiving any promotional content surrounding this particular calendar event. Mother’s Day, and reminders of the day, can be difficult for lots of people for many different reasons. It’s 20 years since I lost my mum, so it isn’t nearly as raw, but for others it certainly is. I think this is a very mindful response.  

The post Mother’s Day, Mental Load and Being Left Out appeared first on The Parent Social.

Mother’s Day for the first couple of years after mum died were probably quite different and I’m sure I found it difficult, but now I struggle to remember what it was like. I also struggle to remember what we did do for Mother’s Day when she was around and indeed what we used to do generally. Whilst I remember specific stories and events such as holidays, I’m really hazy about what we used to do day-to-day and about the more mundane things. I think my dwindling recollections are what make me particularly sad.

I had just turned 21 when she died and was at university so it was my third year away from home. Living 150 miles away on campus since the age of 18 meant we very seldom got the opportunity to go out just the two of us to share a bite to eat, a bottle of wine and an uninterrupted chat; a fact I really lament. I am probably saddest about the fact that I missed out almost completely on having an adult relationship with my mum (we’d just started to have this when I returned from uni in the holidays), and that she wasn’t here when my children were born.

Mother’s Day as a Mum

On the other hand, Mother’s Day doesn’t pass me by at all. My daughters get so excited and I love their enthusiasm for doing something nice for me and making me happy. There is a frenzy of card making, and lots of whispering amongst themselves and with daddy. It reminds me of my own childhood excitement about the day, my purchases of random tat for my mum and how I always thought I’d hidden things really well when in fact I hadn’t.

Mother’s Day is a happy day for me now, but it does make me reflect a lot on my own lost relationship. It can be a really difficult time for many. There are those that have recently lost their mum, those that have lost a child and those that long to be a mum but can’t.

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