Here’s what I’m thinking about for 2023…

1. Make sure we’ve fun things planned throughout the year. I always feel a bit flat after Christmas and New Year so it helps to have things to look forward to. More meet ups with local friends we haven’t seen in a while and visits to those who live further afield; more weekend day trips, family meet-ups and BBQs are all on the list. Planning a family holiday would also be great!
   
   
2. Stop sweating the small stuff. I may have said this before, but will keep trying

3. Figure out what direction I want to move in career-wise. I made a few changes last year and want to build on this in 2023.

4. Stop being distracted by social media and not be afraid to mute WhatsApp chats from time-to-time! I want to cut screen time. This is especially pertinent in 2023 as my youngest two had mobile phones for Christmas – lead by example!

5. Look for more money-saving and making ideas and shop even smarter to save. My daughters have got more into the saving habit and and are rather excited by the 3.5% interest they’re getting. I’ll be encouraging this further in 2023.

6. Doing something for me. I’m interested in wine so last year embarked on a WSET course to learn more on the subject. It was refreshing to do an activity unrelated to family and work. I’ve now been gifted vouchers to do the second level. I’m really nervous about doing it as I know it’ll require more work and time, but I need to get it booked and enjoy!

7. Try to do something with the children individually. It’s difficult to find the time, but on the occasions I have managed, I’ve seen how much they enjoy the one-on-one time.

8. Couple time. Similarly, it would be nice to have some regular evenings out just with my husband.

9. Stop being afraid to say no if I’ve got too much on and on the flip side says yes to things like playdates more often.

10. Improving my fitness. I’m not very fitness-focussed, though I do like to walk. However, I’d like to set aside an hour a week for a specific training session.

The post 2023: Direction, hobbies and fun appeared first on The Parent Social.

The first lockdown certainly taught us to appreciate the simpler pleasures in life. However, even with a glass half full attitude, it’s been harder this lockdown. It’s winter so it’s dark earlier and it’s colder and generally less clement. The novelty factor’s worn off; the local ‘discoveries’ of last time are now very familiar. Our daily exercise (which we’re struggling to fit in because of the overload caused by juggling homeschool and work) is mundane and routine. Homeschooling is hard, even harder than last time.

Weekends don’t have the promise of meeting with friends and family or interesting excursions. At the moment, weekends are more about offering respite from the eternal work and homeschool treadmill.

Snow day

Last night I saw snow was forecast – I kept my fingers crossed. Like the kids, I love snow, but I knew we’d love it all the more right now. There was no snow first thing, but then it started… and it was settling. HURRAH! The kids were so excited. We rushed straight out into the garden and played. After breakfast we got the sledge and headed to our local park. Even the walk there was fun; the disruption, the break from the norm… the snowball fights.

Our local park has lots of hills, and the kids and I had a blast sledging down them (Matt wasn’t so brave ). We weren’t the only ones. It was so lovely to see and hear so many (well distanced) people having fun. The girls said they were having a wonderful time.

My WhatsApp was pinging but there were no messages lamenting another dull weekend. Instead they were all messages saying how great the day had turned out. Similarly, my Facebook feed was filled with snowy pics and beaming faces. It was a much needed tonic for many.

Just like that, our glasses were half full and we were appreciating the simple pleasure of the ordinary, extraordinary great British weather.

The post Snow day – a much needed tonic appeared first on The Parent Social.

The events of 2020 have been a catalyst for evaluating, prioritising and appreciating and also for looking ahead.

With that in mind here are some ‘resolutions’ inspired by the last year. Of course, these are aside from the perpetual eat healthier and drink less booze ones. In no particular order…

Resolutions

1. Don’t put off plans unnecessarily – we learnt in 2020 just how easily plans can be scuppered
2. Take any opportunity to travel (it doesn’t even need to be far) – it felt so amazing coming out of lockdown and being able to have a fantastic summer holiday, which we appreciated all the more. We also managed to squeeze in a half-term short UK trip. It felt such a blow when travel was restricted again
3. Get the girls Italian passports – having an EU passport will enable our daughters to live and work in the EU far more easily should they choose to in the future. I just need to muster the mental strength to go through the process  
4. Have a more seize the day attitude
5. Stop checking social media and my emails on my phone so much
6. Separate work time and leisure time – try not to get distracted with non-work stuff during working hours and vice versa during family time
7. Don’t sweat the small stuff – life really is too short and I need to carry on prioritising what really matters. It’s easier said than done for someone who’s a bit pedantic  
8. My eldest daughter said she wants to save more money (she’s a bit of a spendthrift). I was always a saver as a kid, so this pleases me immensely. We’re starting on the penny challenge TODAY
9. On a professional front, try to get over my imposter syndrome and out of my comfort zone  
10. Do something just because – maybe a new hobby
11. Don’t feel pressurised into responding to non-urgent texts, WhatsApps, emails etc immediately
12. Take more time to stop and smell the roses

Happy New Year all!! 

The post Resolutions for 2021 appeared first on The Parent Social.

Fear of missing out

My inbox is filled on a daily basis with emails saying I deserve x, y or z. Often they encourage me to buy myself a ‘Friday treat,’ ‘payday treat’ or any other day treat; offer me an ‘exclusive deal’ or hit the FOMO button by warning that ‘once it’s gone, it’s gone’ and that there’re only 24 hours left of the flash sale. The items in question are almost always more frivolous ‘wants’ as opposed to ‘needs.’

Don’t get me wrong, I certainly don’t live an austere lifestyle. I do buy things for myself and others that are not essential, but not constantly. At a time when we’re standing on the global economical precipice, when people’s personal finances are taking a beating and when so many jobs are hanging in the balance, I feel increasingly uneasy about the current ‘spend, spend, spend’ culture that’s promoted.

Amazon Prime Day – Is it a bargain?

Things such as Amazon Prime Day(s) often dupe us into believing we’re getting a bargain. However, just because something is cheaper than yesterday doesn’t mean it represents good value. It definitely isn’t cheap or good value if you originally had no intention of buying it. Whilst I occasionally receive emails prompting me to buy something useful but not essential, I certainly haven’t been compelled to browse on Amazon today or yesterday.

Valuing a treat

As a parent, I try looking at my own behaviour before criticising my children’s’. I want them to see that ‘treats’ are sweeter if they’re rarer and you have to wait for them. I also want them to learn you can’t have everything you want. However, I concede to buying too many after-school ice-creams when the ice-cream van turns up right on cue and the kids all have puppy dog faces. I try to heed by dad’s kind of mantra; ‘save when you need to save and spend when you need to spend.’ Overall, I am a saver but push the boat out when the time’s right.

And another thing…

In the current climate, instead of perusing Amazon’s virtual shelves for ‘stuff,’ we should be supporting our local shops and independent businesses whenever we can. We should be asking if we can get the same things from one of the smaller outlets. Because unlike disingenuous deals, when local shops are gone, they really are gone.

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Savings account for an 11-year-old

Money Making and Saving Tips

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Dear Sofia, Maria and Gabriella,  

What a very strange time we’ve been living through since March 23^rd.  Who could have imagined what was to come when we saw the New Year in with lots of friends and family just 12 weeks before?

Not going to school (and the arrival of homeschooling), not seeing family and friends, not visiting lots of interesting places or doing our favourite activities and not going to cafés and restaurants has all been rather odd and rather disappointing. However, it hasn’t been all bad.

We’ve been in our own little bubble with daddy and I both working from home. We eat lunch (often whilst watching Bargain Hunt or Blackadder!) and dinner together every day instead of just at weekends, which is lovely. Daddy gets to see you before bed every night; before, that hardly ever happened.

During lockdown we have been out walking together so much more. We’ve found so many great spots and routes right on our doorstep where we’ve discovered friendly horses, outdoor apparatus; lots of birds, butterflies and wildlife, and even slushy vendors! There’ve been swings that have popped up from nowhere and puzzle trails that have been laid by a thoughtful local resident. I think we have figured out every footpath and short cut there is in Banstead. Who could forget the Town and Down trail that was meant to be 5.5 miles but ended up being eight!? We’ve even joined a tennis club as a family despite the fact I’ve never played before.  

We had fabulous weather pretty much the whole of April and May – the sunniest spring on record in fact. It’s meant that we’ve enjoyed the garden to the full. We’ve all helped with making it look nice by weeding, planting flowers and vegetables and painting the fence. The sprinkler, archery, netball, badminton, tree climbing and hideouts; it’s been our haven. I can’t remember a spring where we’ve been able to spend so much time outside and have so many BBQs and picnics; we even managed to get a few deliveries from the ice-cream man to our house. The VE Day 75^th anniversary was an absolute scorcher and I know you all loved having a ‘party’ and picnic in the front garden.

There’s been plenty of indoor activity too: board games, poker, baking, lots of films, The Shows Must Go On (Phantom of the Opera had you all mesmerised); quizzes and Zoom, FaceTime and House party calls to friends have been regular events.

Jack the cat came to us at the very end of April and he’s been a fantastic addition to our family and brought so much lockdown cheer. It’s clear to see how much love you have for him.  

I think this time has made us all appreciate what we do have a lot more. We’ve been enjoying spending more time together and doing simpler activities; we’ve realised just how lucky we are to have a lovely outdoor space to spend time in at the weekend or to have a break in during the homeschool week. We’re not constantly rushing around to this club, that playdate or that meeting and that’s been great.

Things we took for granted before have suddenly taken on a special significance. When Nonno was finally able to come and visit it was a major event, as it was when Adam and Lauren visited. When cafés and restaurants started opening for takeaway and delivery, we were so excited. Walking up to the high street and getting a milkshake was the best thing ever as was getting a home delivery from Five Guys and Fego (one being the Father’s Day breakfast!).

I have been truly amazed at how well you have all coped and your fantastic resilience. There have been very few moans about the situation and it’s been so heart-warming to see you all get on better than ever and work together. You have all shown so much kindness and consideration to each other and there’s been hardly any fighting or arguing. I think without having your school friends to see you’ve really appreciated the friendship you have with each other.

—

Sofia, I feel you’ve really matured in the last 13 weeks; helping around the house without being asked, doing things independently like jumping in the shower, sorting laundry, making dad and me cups of tea and coffee and even making breakfast for everyone at the weekends.

After I learnt to stop meddling, you were a dream with homeschooling. You’ve known exactly what you’ve needed to do and just wanted to get on with it, so much so your MO was to march through it all (diligently) so you could have Thursday afternoon and Friday off. It wasn’t all Neflix in your spare time though, you also helped your sisters with their home learning; frontal adverbials stick in my mind. You’ve been a great big sister.

Your daily dance routines, making care packages for friends and then going on a long trek to do doorstep deliveries, making smoothies, music, spas… these are some of the things I’ll remember.  

You started back at school on June 22^nd and despite it being a very different place to the one you left in March you’ve got back into your stride immediately.

Maria and Gabby, your already strong bond has strengthened even more. I’ve been so thankful that you have each other as natural playmates. Although you were envious of Sofia going back to school it hasn’t been nearly as bad as it could have been as you’ve been able to homeschool and play together as best friends.

It’s fair to say that homeschool isn’t your favourite thing ever and I sometimes get a little stressed doing my work and helping you both, but you have been fantastic. It was great when we had breakthroughs with things, particularly in maths. I do feel like we’ve all learnt lots.    

You have been so understanding about not seeing your friends despite the disappointment.  When you’ve had the occasional distanced doorstep visit it has meant so much to you. You’ve both been so inventive with your play; secret hideouts and lookouts in the garden have been your thing. Gabby, you have become obsessed with gymnastics and you literally cartwheel around the house and garden at any opportunity. You’ve perfected the backbend, bridge and kickover, and are amazing on the monkey bars! Maria, for you it’s all been about climbing trees, you even have your favourite ‘climbing trees.’ Your first question whenever we go for a walk is: “Will there be trees to climb?” You’re also the instigator of the dens and hideouts.     

As July 4^th approaches, we can hopefully look forward to a bit more ‘normal’ returning. We’ve all learnt a lot about the true value of family and friendship and what really matters, which we must not forget.   

I’m very proud of you all.

Love,

Mum xxx

Wish list for post lockdown

Lockdown has improved relationships between parents and children

The post Lockdown letter – a reminisce about the last three months appeared first on The Parent Social.

Here are Clarks pointers for measuring children’s’ feet:

• Get the child to stand on a piece of paper and draw around their foot

• Draw a dot at the little toe joint and another at the big toe joint

• Take a measuring tape over the foot and measure from one point to another (in mm)

• Measure from the tip of the longest toe to the heel on the paper

• Repeat for other foot
• Phone Clarks with the measurements and they’ll convert into a size

Clarks stressed that this wouldn’t be as accurate as an in-store measurement. They also said to bear in mind that there is only a difference of 4mm between shoe sizes and because of this it’s often better to air on the side of bigger so they get some growing room.

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I do a lot of home cooking with fresh ingredients, avoid salt and sugar where possible and provide plenty of fruit and veg when catering for my children. In fact, tonight they had a minestrone that included tomatoes, cabbage, celery, carrots, potatoes and cannellini beans. However, they are allowed treats, and we do have Fish Finger days when we’re really busy and there simply isn’t enough time before bed to incorporate everything. All to say, they have a very good diet probably 90% of the time.

Packed lunches and school dinners

We went on a picnic today with lots of other mums and children from the Epsom and Leatherhead Multiples Club. In my childrens’ lunch boxes there were pitas stuffed with salami and then pieces of cheddar cheese, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, humus, carrot batons, blueberries and…dum, dum, dum cocktail sausages. Salami is fatty and salty and ditto for cocktail sausages. They love them however (as do I) but eat just as much of the good stuff as these more ‘dubious’ items. It’s about common sense and balance.  Would I have have been reprimanded about these items in a school lunch box? I doubt it. However it would have been a massive tut tut if I’d included a packet of crisps or some chocolate buttons. There is an air of double standards and nowhere more so than school dinners.

I find it rather ludicrous that there are so many guidelines about school packed lunches; the dos and don’ts.

School dinners

My eldest has a school lunch every day. We had a talk about the catering at her school before she started. They talked about all the hidden veg they included in their meals, and it was apparent they provided many healthy items.

However, alongside the virtuous stuff, there are puddings such as arctic roll, chocolate brownie and choc ice. There’s also a decent smattering of burgers, pizza and chips on the menu. I don’t demand that all sweet items or potato-based products are removed from the dinner menu as I know, on the whole, the school dinners are balanced, nutritious and varied. I also know that they are supplemented at home with very good meals most of the time. So why is it acceptable to be reprimanded about the odd packet of Pom-Bears? I’m pretty sure that very few children are being sent to school with nothing but a can of Coke and a few sweets in their lunch boxes. As the fussiest of eaters as a child and very thin, my mum was always delighted if I’d scoffed a Cadbury’s Flake alongside a triangle of sandwich.

Common sense and balance

My children have some choices regarding food and on quite a few occasions the opportunity to have something they consider a treat. I think this is an  important and part of childhood. Do they sit all day mainlining Haribo and Fruit Shoots? No. They LOVE fruit and will always go and help themselves to some from the fruit bowl if they’re feeling peckish (it’s their first port of call for a snack), but equally will pounce on a biscuit if it’s offered. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The post The lunchbox (debate) has landed again – packed lunches appeared first on The Parent Social.

However, as my daughter’s start date gradually approaches, and having just been to buy some of the uniform from the school shop (cute cardis, little tie, sweet woolly hat, mini-sized gym kit, logoed school bag etc), I know in my heart-of-hearts I will be doing exactly the same. Apologies in advance to all of my friends that won’t be interested in the slightest.

Ahead of time, the obligatory child and uniform shot.

The next chapter 

I’m excited about this new chapter for Sofia, and I know she’s going to love it, but the idea of her starting school ignites conflicting emotions in me. With 21-month-old twins on the scene, I thought I’d really welcome having one less child to entertain on a daily basis. However, as the time draws closer, as well as selfish fears about the dreaded school run, I’m sad that we will no longer have the freedom to go where we want whenever we want; we’ll be confined to the school holidays when everything will be busy. I’ll no longer be able to choose our day-to-day schedule or wake up in the morning and spontaneously decide that we’ll go on a mystery tour somewhere.

I have started to think that maybe I haven’t done enough with her whilst we’ve had the luxury of ‘free time’, but our car fuel bills are testament to the number of groups we attend, the amount of visiting we do and the excursions we go on. I always seem to be doing housework. Perhaps sometimes I should have forsaken unnecessary vacuuming for an extra story or an additional trip to the park? Mum guilt: usually totally unfounded but ever-present.

In this lead up to D-day there’s been a plethora of forms to fill and dates to remember. I’ve actually found it fairly stressful as I’m very eager to get things just right ahead of this important milestone. Sofia is taking it all in her stride, she barely gave a sideways glance when I left her for the first time for an hour in what will be her new class; it’s me that has got the nerves.

And finally, aside from everything else, it’s just rather weird to think I have a school-age child. How did that happen? 

The post School: first day nerves (mine) appeared first on The Parent Social.

Yesterday I was watching my four-year-old playing so wonderfully with her 19-month-old sisters; they were interacting so well and enjoying each other’s company immensely (it isn’t always like that by the way). I thought how great it was that there was just a two-and-a-half year age gap between them.

Sofia relishing the big sister role. How big is that bottle of expressed milk!?

The ideal sibling age gap is very subjective

It got me thinking about the ‘ideal’ age gap, how subjective this concept is and how it’d make an interesting blog post. Then, coincidentally, Internet rumours surfaced about the Duchess of Cambridge planning back-to-back babies (there’s 11 months between her and sister Pippa).

It’s a very personal choice and there are many motivations for making the decision. Then of course, things don’t always go to plan.

I wanted to have a substantial amount of time devoted to my first child, but didn’t want to have a big age gap. This was mainly because I had a self-imposed cut-off age for when I wanted to have children by and I wanted Sofia to have a sibling (or two as it turned out) that she would want to play with. If I’d, had Sofia in my mid-20s, I may have gone for a slightly bigger gap. She actually arrived eight days before my 30th, so ideally I was thinking of around a three-year age gap so I would almost certainly (if things happened as I wanted them to) have finished with the pregnancy thing well before I hit 35. As I say, a very personal choice.

I’d heard a lot about second-time infertility so had that in the back of my mind. As it turned out, I got pregnant immediately; meaning there’s a two year, nine month age gap. It would have been absolutely perfect for me had it not been for the curve ball of twins. With the pram we’d bought I couldn’t attach a buggy board so I often had a very weary toddler who, if we weren’t in the car, had no choice but to walk. It was quite hard at the start meeting the needs of a very active toddler wanting constant entertainment with the care of newborns.

Back-to-back babies versus big sibling age gap

I can definitely see the merits of back-to-back babies if you’ve decided you want two children and want to get the baby stuff done and dusted in a very short period. It also means there is a readymade playmate for baby number two. It does sound like very hard work and having a newborn whilst being pregnant would be tough and that’s before the challenges of having a one-year-old and a newborn. It’s also quite a strain on your body as it takes about nine months to a year for it to completely get back to ‘normal’ after giving birth.

At the other end of the spectrum is the big sibling age gap. I can really see the benefit of having one child at school before the next one arrives. As well as making life easier, child number one gets your undivided attention for many years of their life; then baby number two has a lot of one-on-one time whilst their older sibling is at school.

There’s a lot of research/talk about what the ideal sibling age gap is, but I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no actual ideal, it’s just what works for you. Of course Mother Nature also has quite a say in the matter.

The post What is the Ideal Sibling Age Gap? appeared first on The Parent Social.

I went up to Derby from Surrey to see him at the weekend, leaving my husband Matt looking after Sofia (aged 4) and the twins (18 months). It was great that I had no qualms about leaving them in his sole care and that he was confident looking after them without drafting in extra help. It was also good that I didn’t have lots of upset children making my departure for something unpleasant much harder. Actually, perhaps everyone coped a little too well…

Supermarket trip with dad.

NICU and SCBU

When I saw my granddad at the hospital looking so vulnerable with tubes everywhere and machines bleeping I couldn’t help but think about how lucky I was that my twins didn’t have to spend any time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) or even in the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU), especially when the NHS reports that just under half of all mothers of twins saw at least one of their babies spend time in neonatal care.

When I was around 30 weeks pregnant, it was recommended that we had a tour of both facilities at St. Thomas’ so that we could prepare and familiarise ourselves with them should either or both twins need special care. This is a great idea and I would urge other parents-to-be of multiples to do the same. It didn’t quash my fears, but I did have a better understanding of how everything operated, and this would have been beneficial if the situation had arisen.

I know I would not have coped well and I can’t imagine how parents with babies in the units do manage to hold it together.  With my granddad I was on high alert with every twitch on the monitors. I don’t know how I’d deal with it for an extended period for my own child. I certainly counted my lucky stars that I hadn’t had to find out.

It’s very early days, but my granddad does appear to be showing some promising signs. Meanwhile, the children seemed to love their time with dad, and even managed to fit in a visit to ExCeL as Matt had to show his face at a work conference. Three children at a stock market investing show and a three-hour roundtrip; that’s no mean feat!

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