What age do they stop believing in Father Christmas?

In honesty, I’m sure my youngest didn’t believe a few Christmases ago (aged 11), and questions were raised way before that. They were hedging their bets and I kept up the pretence. There were lists for Santa and a tray of goodies were left out on Christmas Eve. Then on Christmas Day most of the presents were from Father Christmas. Last year it was the official goodbye even though we hadn’t specifically discussed it.

I’m glad they came to their own conclusions. It would have been awkward if they still believed in Father Christmas when they went to secondary school! However, it highlighted again the relentless march of time and the fact that they’re growing up fast .

Does it ruin the magic?

It’s sad that we no longer watch Father Christmas’ progress on Santa Tracker or leave out carrots for Rudolph and that I’ll never again utter the immortal words: “has he been?”. However, there’s still plenty to be excited about. I can see that the kids love and appreciate what the festive season means and offers. They’ve even said that presents are only part of it. They enjoy being with family and extended family, having time together, playing games and sharing special food.

The run up to Christmas minus Father Christmas

The start of advent is a very exciting time for all of us. I don’t let anyone play Christmas music in the house before December 1st. That means everyone’s ecstatic when they can finally unleash the festive tunes. Then of course there’s the advent calendars (old favourites and new)! Starting every day with chocolate; what’s not to enjoy about that!? We also love our annual advent candle.

Whilst we do have an Elf on the Shelf, I’ve never subscribed to the whole narrative. Neither have I spent hours I don’t have agonising over 24 creative ideas for him. Cheerfully, my twins enjoy setting up elf for the rest of us to enjoy. We’ve never done the whole North Pole breakfast thing on the first of December. However, I do dress the table festively and make special hot chocolate on a stick; they even have personalised mugs.

The Christmas books come out with the advent calendars. We’ll still be reading Santa is coming to Surrey and Santa is coming to London alongside other favourites including Mog’s Christmas, which is one of my eldest’s favourites despite being a mature 16!

We might not visit Santa in his grotto any more. However, we always do something special. We’ve been to National Trust Christmas events, Christmas at Kew, seen a production of The Nutcracker and done tours of the London lights.

The kids want to make a gingerbread house, and we generally do a lot more baking in December.

I no longer have to provide explanations/answer awkward questions. I don’t have to do different wrapping and labelling for Santa presents and our presents, which is a huge relief! My husband no longer has to avoid Santa traps at 2am, and can now have his whisky earlier! I’m happy that us hardworking parents now get all the credit! On that note, I’ve noticed that the girls are being more conservative with their lists. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still plenty on there but there isn’t quite the wild abandon of previous years. Plus they all now get a lot of joy from giving presents too.

Embracing the Christmas spirit

The children are looking forward to plenty of family time, and passing on the magic of Father Christmas to their young cousin; and that’s what it’s all about.

It’s a wonderful time even without the big man in red.

PS love some of the ideas here: How to tell your children Santa isn’t real

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End of an era

I’ve completed my last school run, which feels very strange and rather sad. I actually enjoy the school run. In the morning it’s our chance to have a chat about anything and everything. As I work from home, I love the simple act of saying good morning to lots of people in person as opposed to on screen. In the afternoon it gives me a golden opportunity to talk to them both about their day. Also, how will I ever get my 10,000 steps in now!?

There have been a lot of goodbyes. The girls have said farewell to friends that are going to different schools. I’ve realised that there are so many people that I simply won’t see any more by virtue of the fact I won’t be doing the school run.

It’s goodbye to things like nativity plays, special assemblies and book looks. There’ll be no more invites to see their school year netball team play. I will miss all of these things. Then there’s no more Sports Days. Although, is it bad that I’m not devastated by this one ?

I’m looking forward to not having random dress up days, not having to cobble stuff together for World Book Day and the stream of last minute events that seem to pop up. However, I dare say, I might miss them a little when they’ve gone. I’m also sad that they’ve outgrown things like the Summer Reading Challenge, which has been a holiday staple in our household for many, many years (details of this year’s can be found here).  

Whilst they are sad to leave they are looking forward to the next chapter, and in the last few months it’s felt like they’ve been outgrowing the school. 

What secondary school means for us

They’re going from a school with 360 pupils to one with well over 1000, which will be a bit of a culture shock. There is also quite a leap up in independence at secondary school; information is no longer spoon fed and details of many things are communicated directly to the students without the safety net of a parent email. They’ll need to take more responsibility and will certainly have to improve on their listening skills! I think the increase in workload will be another shock for them.

Whilst they’ve been at primary school I’ve been very hands on; secondary school is a different kettle of fish. I will have to get used to not being involved in the minutiae of daily school life. By the way, when did I become old enough to have three secondary school-aged children?  

The transition

There have been some good transition events run by their new school. These enabled them to get a feel for the school and meet their teachers and new classmates. I’m sure this will help make the whole process less daunting come September.

It’s the end of an era and the start of an exciting new journey. It’ll be a time of adjustment and growth for all of us, but I’m sure they’ll love it. Time will tell if I love the transition as much.

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Times are changing

My nine-year-olds have started trading in party dresses for hoodies and leggings, and my eldest now loves cult teen brand Brandy Melville. Sleepovers are muscling out playdates, tech is taking over from toys, fashion is replacing the dressing up box and Teen Titans has superseded My Little Pony; of course Netflix is the channel for my eldest.

Tables have turned

I used to long for the time when the kids would sleep in. Now my husband and I are awake before them, and at weekends I’m itching to get them up.

Gone are the days when they opened their eyes and immediately demanded breakfast. Now on Saturdays and Sundays I’m chivvying them to come downstairs so that breakfast doesn’t turn into brunch and the day doesn’t evaporate. They no longer demand a full itinerary and are quite happy to mill about the house of a weekend. I’m more likely to be the one pestering to do something.

One of the ultimate growing up milestones

We’ve recently had one of the biggest signs that times are a changing: my 12-year-old started her periods. She seemed very underwhelmed about the whole thing; something that I considered to be a rather significant milestone. She didn’t want to talk much about it not because she felt embarrassed, it was just she didn’t feel the need. I think I was a bit disappointed that, aside from purchasing the necessaries, she didn’t seem to need me much at all.

What if my eldest doesn’t need me that much any more in general and her younger sisters aren’t that far behind?

Never too old for…

Happily, no one’s too old for playing games, messing about and being a bit silly. Even a nearly teenager still loves settling down and watching a film together as a family. I’m pretty confident that won’t change

The post They’re growing up fast and it’s bittersweet appeared first on The Parent Social.

Independence versus safety

When Sofia was 10, I let her walk to the local shops alone for the first time. She’d been fighting for this bit of independence for a long time. I finally caved, but only when I was confident that she was mature enough. The shops are a two minute walk away, so I had no qualms about the distance. However, there’s a nasty bend/blind spot en route when crossing the road and that’s what worried me.

We discussed my concerns about this particular section of the road and agreed on a safer and sensibler place to cross.

She’s well-versed on stranger danger so I was confident on that score.

Sofia proved herself to be sensible and thoroughly enjoys that bit of independence. I completely get it.

On the high street and walking home

At the moment a couple of her friends go chaperoned to a coffee shop once a week (mum sits on another table whilst the girls have an after school treat). I’m happy for her to join in with this right now, but it will only appease for so long. The next step – which has been brought up many times by my daughter, is them off on their own on the high street.

Despite trusting Sofia and her friends, I’m concerned they’ll be wandering around aimlessly. Some adults assume kids who are just hanging around are looking for trouble. I don’t want her to be viewed this way. I also think children loitering can attract unwanted attention from other children.

Sofia loves to spend money (though I’m trying to promote saving). I have a feeling trips to the high street are going to result in very regular splurges on hot chocolates and sweet treats as well as more purchases of unnecessary cosmetics!

Right now it’s getting dark early still. I don’t want her first experiences of going further afield and walking home to be in the dark.

The deal

• We wait until after the Easter holidays when it’s lighter and hopefully brighter
• She tells me what the plan is (not just hanging around on a bench)
• We set an agreed budget for spends
• We set a time when she has to be back
• She walks the majority of the way back home with her friend that lives nearby
• Cross roads at the safest places en route

Obviously children mature at different rates and there are different factors to consider according to situation. The NSPCC has got a useful guide , which can help you decide whether your child is ready to go it alone: https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/media/1103/out-alone-keeping-child-safe.pdf

I’ll let you know how we get on.

You might also like: Puberty and periods * Bras and ear piercing * Things To Consider Before Giving Your Child A Smartphone *

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Books on puberty

I decided to look into a book that covered the basics of puberty and growing up in an accessible, friendly but informative way. I didn’t need anything that went into detail about sex as they’re covering reproduction at school plus I figured it’d be referenced in any book discussing puberty.

After a scout around online, I chose Girls Only! (All About Periods and Growing-Up Stuff) by Victoria Parker. Other reviews were good and I liked the synopsis: “focuses on the practicalities, social and personal implications of starting your period, and the physical and emotional developments in puberty. It tells you what happens and when, what you need to know and how to prepare. It answers all the questions girls are dying to ask, but daren’t, in a clear, friendly way, using real-life examples.”

What it covered

In my daughter’s words it covers the following:

• Taking care of hair, skin and body to keep it healthy
• The changes that happen
• Periods – what to expect and how they relate to how babies are made
• Gives scientific words for parts of the female body
• Body confidence
• How to deal with teasing (and scaremongering) from other children relating to puberty

Verdict

My daughter seemed very reassured by what she’d read. She commented that the book is good because it explains things well without complications and confusion for the reader. For me the tone was just right: informative, but fun. It also had plenty of illustrations. My only criticism is that a bit too much focus is placed on appearance – ugly ducklings turning into beautiful swans.

It’s been a real springboard for opening up discussions. My daughter has brought up quite a few things she’s read with me and wants more details on/to hear my experiences. This is exactly what I wanted.

Girl Guiding – End Period Poverty and Stigma

Eco friendly wet wipes (toilet wipe gel) – these are great for keeping fresh when you’re on your period.

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Is your child prepared for a Smartphone?

Before we rush to buy our child a Smartphone, we need to take a serious look at our child’s responsibility and judgment skills. Research estimates that 75% of eight-year-olds access “smart” devices on a regular basis. Furthermore, 78% of teens possess their own mobile phone. All this connectivity doesn’t necessarily mean children have the know-how to navigate full-time ownership of a Smartphone.

Children might understand how to tap a screen or send a friend request, but often lack the required etiquette and obligation that comes with being a citizen of the digital world. Take a minute and ask yourself the following questions:

• Is my son or daughter able to make good choices or demonstrate mature reasoning?
• Can my child properly care for his or her belongings?
• Does my child understand the permanence of social media and the Internet?
• Has our family talked about social media etiquette?

If you answered “no” to any of the above questions, it might be wise to forgo the Smartphone this year. However, if you answered “yes” your child is a good candidate for owning his or her own device. Thankfully, parents can take steps to safeguard their children from the dizzying world of sexting, online predators, cyber bullies and disappearing messages.

Six ways to ring in responsible Smartphone use

To help your child navigate Smartphone ownership, here are six tips to ensure they are safely messaging or snapping photos with their friends:

• It is important to know the common pitfalls children encounter on the Internet and social media. Did you know that sexting is now considered a ‘normal‘ part of development? Or that cyber-bullying rates have tripled within the last year? Understanding the realities of what children face is critical if we are to help them avoid the dangers lurking behind the glow of their screen.
• Take a few minutes to walk your child through their privacy settings. Ensure they are protected and safely using their device.
• Begin an on-going dialogue regarding social media etiquette, online predators, sexting and cyber-bullying. Discuss the permanence of social media. As a child gets older, you can broach these tough topics. However, make sure they understand that the Internet never forgets and what they post today can haunt them for a long time.
• Take advantage of monitoring software to know your child’s Internet and mobile phone behaviours. This is critical in the beginning as children still need guidance as they learn new skills. However, as a child matures and demonstrates responsible Smartphone ownership, you can loosen the reins and allow more independence.
• Limit technology to common living areas and keep devices out of bedrooms. This allows parents to keep an eye on activity and spot trouble before it spirals out of control. It also ensures that a child’s Smartphone doesn’t interfere with their sleep or homework.
• Create a contract for owning a Smartphone. Sit down as a family and develop a document that states the expectations and outlines consequences. Outlining the rules ultimately helps prevent future disagreements and problems from developing.

Will your child be receiving a Smartphone any time soon?

You might like: Sadfishing and Other Social Media Pitfalls for Children  

Freelance writer and tech geek, Hilary Smith, specializes in covering the world of digital parenting. She has a degree in journalism from Northwestern. This Texas native braves the winters in Chicago with her ever-so-slightly spoiled English bulldog, Chauncey, and her two children aged 4 and 7. 

The post Things To Consider Before Giving Your Child A Smartphone appeared first on The Parent Social.

She is bright and hugely enthusiastic about pretty much everything. I’m sure she’ll be afforded many opportunities as well as creating her own. I was an extremely enthusiastic child, allegedly fairly bright, and was definitely given the encouragement and means to pursue whatever I wanted.

Choosing a career

The problem is, I don’t think I ever truly figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was interested in the media and English, which led to a  humanities degree incorporating media studies and linguistics. Then came a 14-year career in PR. These seemed like good choices. However, I don’t think it was what I ever really envisaged myself doing. I don’t believe it was my true vocation.

I loved crime dramas/fiction when I was much younger and fancied myself as a bit of a Nancy Drew or female Columbo. Then more recently a Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson or DC Dinah Kowalski. I think detective work would have suited my tenacious, inquisitive, investigative nature well. At one point I was extremely interested in the idea of forensic linguistics. However, for some reason I didn’t really think it was a realistic choice. I also questioned the viability of a career as a scriptwriter when I became interested in that. 

My mum died whilst I was in my final year at university. She knew me better than I know/knew myself and I genuinely think she’d have suggested (definitely not in a pushy way) something and I would have had an epiphany moment. She would certainly have nurtured and encouraged anything I was toying with – scriptwriting and detective work for example.

Now my issue is that motherhood has fundamentally changed me. I work (and enjoy working), but I don’t want to work full-time and, dare I say it, I now lack the ambition and perhaps the confidence for a complete change of direction. Again, I think my mum would have helped me here. I sometimes feel like I’ve missed the boat. Although  I’m not actually sure what type of boat that was and where it was going.

However – and this is a BIG however – if I hadn’t chosen the path I did, I would have missed out on a lot of fun, travel, friends and experiences; I wouldn’t have met my wonderful husband and had our three amazing children.

I’m still working on that winning Dragon’s Den idea though…

The post Career & Motherhood: What’ll I Be When I Grow Up? appeared first on The Parent Social.

I suppose the first reaction is: Disneyland… for a school trip?? I think there’s a huge pressure on parents to cough up for increasingly ostentatious trips. However, putting that aside, I think it is unfair.

True enough, parents were informed beforehand that there weren’t enough places, but why was a trip that they couldn’t all go on an option in the first place? Surely there were other choices available?

People have commented that children have to learn that there are disappointments in life; you just have to suck it up and get on with it. Yes, they do have to learn about not getting everything they want, but there are plenty of opportunities for that lesson. Why have something that is guaranteed beforehand to disappoint an unlucky few, especially something that is divisive and singles them out from their peers?

My school trip

OK, so I’m particularly passionate about this because IT HAPPENED TO ME (and boy do I not want to be in the same situation ever with my kids)!!

I’m 36 now so we’re going back rather a bit, but when I was at middle school (so I’d be about 11, actually I was definitely 11 as it was Italia ’90) there was a school trip to Normandy as part of our French studies. I loved learning French and was probably quite precocious in my appreciation of French culture, so was soooo excited about the prospect of going there with my friends. The trip was oversubscribed by two out of the entire year of almost 90 and I was one of the two drawn out of the hat not to go. I was devastated. Properly devastated.

My best friend at the time, who hated French, kept banging on about how much she couldn’t wait to go. I remember that I couldn’t stop crying.  Then kids at school began to say how they no longer wanted to go, which made me even more upset. I REALLY WANTED TO! It wasn’t a flash in the pan disappointment. I just didn’t get over it.

My mum booked a gîte in Normandy for the whole family at the same time as my year group was going to be there. I know that this certainly would not have been possible for many and that I was VERY fortunate that, as a family, we were able to do this, but she knew that I wasn’t just being a brat, that I really loved French and would have done anything to go; she even got the itinerary off the teacher so that we could replicate everything (I was a bit of a nerd like that).

We had a fantastic time and I have so many wonderful memories from our trip, but to this day I remember how so upset I was when I got drawn out of that hat.

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